Sabaku
by Chocolate coated Blue
Summary: All of his life Gaara had wished to be alone. Truly alone… but then that was never going to happen was it?


**Sabaku**

**By Chocolate coated Blue**

_**AN: **__This is dedicated to night flame miko, cause I said I would (she deserves it), and it's finally here. :)_

_Also cause the idea would just not leave me alone, grr…. And just imagine it, I won't tell you what it is, but it killed me laughing when the plot bunny first slammed into my head. Then I_ _just **had** to come back to life to share it with you peoples._

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Naruto, or its characters, if I did the plot would be slightly different and a certain someone would not be dead and a certain someone else (actually more than one someone's) would be _

_**Summary:**__ All of his life Gaara had wished to be alone. Truly alone… but then that was never going to happen was it?_

_This is when Gaara's Kazekage but he still has his demon, k?_

* * *

All of his life Gaara has wished to be alone, truly alone without his inner, caged demons. To be able to retreat to the silence in his head without interruption; instead he had been forced to surround himself in silence to stop their incessant words. To have been able to sleep peacefully without interruption, without the worry that somehow they would be released and relieve their stress. They _never _thought of _his _stress, only their short tempers. It was only his infinite patience and diligence which had kept him sane. It had been a long time since he slept a full night's sleep without knocking himself out, even then he had fretted they could have controlled his chakra and woken him up. Truthfully without the new balance he would have driven himself insane long before now, he'd been half way there before the Incident. If the Incident hadn't happened, kami-sama there was no way the world would have coped. It couldn't deal with the two inhabiting Gaara's mind let alone with _three_ of them controlling Gaara's body. Gaara shuddered at the thought; he had almost lost himself to the madness, to losing his very essence which made him different from _them_.

Looking back at his life Gaara remembered clearly the first time he had realised he was different. It hadn't been the villager's constant shunning of him or the constant attempts on his life; it hadn't even been the children refusing to play with him because of their fear of the sand. No, Gaara had first realised that he was _special_ when his uncle had tried to kill him.

It hadn't been the sand, or even the voices which only he seemed to hear, it had been Yashamaru. When the one person who he had thought had loved him had tried to kill him; well it had finally sunk in, and he had wanted his own death, prayed for it even.

But they had not allowed it.

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The sand swept up and around, throwing his uncle away from him into the wall, and a voice from inside his mind spoke:

"Fuck that, you miserable piece of sand dung, I hope you roast in the desert so that the sand can feast on your blood. Kill him Shukaku"

Another voice older, gravellier, malicious had replied:

"You will not harm _my_ vessel, I may not have _wanted_ him but he is _mine_ to protect"

The anger in their voices was tangible, a heavy weight in the back of his mind.

Then softer even, barely audible, the second voice purred "You do not deserve the brat's love, human"

The other brighter, but just as cruel voice spoke again,

"Yeah what he said you piece of sand shit, you're not even worthy of the air you breathe. It's a pity I can't touch you, sand food, while chibi's in control but 'coon-chan can still mutilate you until not even chibi here could recognise you"

"I told you not to call me that" this was the second voice, Gaara shivered, the voice sounded vexed and likely to harm someone _Probably me…_

"Aah, you scared chibi, 'coon-chan" Gaara could feel the smirk that would have crossed the bright voices face, if he'd had one. Gaara shuddered again; he felt if possible, even more scared of _that _voice than of the powerful, deep growl that the second had. It seemed ecstatic at the thought of death and torture.

"Make it bloody 'coon-chan"

"With pleasure, little _Master_"

Stumbling back a step, Gaara's eyes widened as Yashamaru seemed to explode. Sand was everywhere; twisting, whipping at Gaara's clothes and face. It was seemingly floating in the air, creating swirling patterns away from Gaara towards Yashamaru. Gaara shuddered collapsing in on himself, falling to his knees as he watched what had once been his beloved uncle turn into blood.

---------------------------------

Gaara sighed. It was shaping up to be one of those days; even after all these years Yashamaru's betrayal still cut as deep. Greif was supposed to ease with time, yet his memory of those moments was a fresh as if it had happened yesterday. Rubbing his head, trying to stave of the headache he could feel forming at the back of his skull, Gaara leaned against his desk. The paperwork he was supposed to be completing lay forgotten stacked neatly in a pile as Gaara closed his eyes in remembrance.

Death flashed on the back of his eyelids. Blood had burst from his carer's body as the sand clenched around his uncle. It had been the first death he had witnessed up close, he recalled. It had been the first time he had smelt fresh blood, dripping from the sand as it pulsed around his body. Not matter how many times he had killed, or how many times Shukaku and Sabaku manipulated the sand in a similar fashion, none of those had managed to recreate the absolute horror and terror of _himself_ that Gaara had felt.

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Gaara screamed as his carer, his only precious person dissolved into crimson droplets, soaking into his sand until nothing was left to even suggest that Yashamaru had once lived. Stumbling back, his eyes staring and blankly at the now empty wall. How could something like that happen? Why would someone done that?? Who would do something like that? WHY? His mind span rapidly, twisting itself in ever increasing circles. He squeezed his eyes shut, it can't be true, it _can't_ be. It had to be a nightmare, it _had_ to be. Anytime now, his uncle would come to wake him up, tell him that it was all a bad dream, that he loved him.

"Shut up brat, I've had it up to my ears with the narcissist here; I don't need your mess cluttering up my mind too"

"aah, 'coon-chan, can't you tell that chibi's having a mental breakdown" The laughter in _that_ voice was apparent even to Gaara in his less than stable state.

"And whose fault is that hmm?" Gaara shivered, he could literally feel their emotions through their voices.

"You were the one who blew-up the piece of sand shit" Petulance, maybe even a hint of jealousy.

"That would have happened anyway, the sand wouldn't have allowed my vassal to die. And if I remember correctly, I believe it was _you_ who revealed our presence to the boy, and thus allowing me to crush that, what did you call him? ahh yes, sand food." Gaara could detect the amusement and boredom in the deeper tone.

"Still _you're_ the one who massacred the only one he ever loved" The unconcealed glee in the brighter tone, shook Gaara. They were getting stronger, the emotions, masking out the terror and distress he felt.

"You ordered me too" Now the older one sounded annoyed.

"So? You _never _listen to me. In fact you constantly tell me to shut up, no matter how many times I _order_ you to listen"

"True, he deserved it didn't he"

"So, we're in agreement?"

"Sure, I suppose, you…"

"Stop it, stop it, just stop it!" Gaara yelled, clutching at his head. By the end, his words were barely discernable from is sobs. He couldn't believe how quickly they had forgotten. Already they were joking around, completely unfazed that his uncle had just be obliterated in front of his eyes. How could his death not affect them? It was almost as if they were happy that Yashamaru was dead, swallowed up by the sand.

"Stop it, please" Gaara whispered desperately, why didn't they understand?

"Stop what chibi?" The voice seemed genuinely perplexed by Gaara's distress. It was almost as if it didn't understand why he would be upset over the death of a loved one, distraught over the murder of his _only_ loved one.

Crumpling, Gaara hit the now dry roof with his knees, still clutching desperately at his head "How can you be _happy, _you, you…."

"…killed that piece of sand food?" A low growl cut across the other's lightened tone.

"I mean, Yashamaru-san"

Gaara's eyes snapped open. How could they talk so casually about murdering his uncle, the only one who had loved, no _tried_ to love him. His breathing quickened, his uncle was apart of the sand now, and _he_ was to blame. Hadn't he heard many lectures from Uncle Yashamaru about control? Nobody else could control the sand, there was nobody else, Gaara was all alone, crazy with the voices in his head. He wasn't stupid, no matter what the other children said, he knew. But why Yashamaru, Gaara would have rather died, wouldn't he?

"You, no _I_ murdered uncle" Gaara breathed, correcting himself, he may be crazy but the villagers didn't need another reason to hate him.

"What are you talking about, brat? That was _my_ sand."

Gaara ignored the slightly worried voice in his head, it didn't matter what they said; they were only figments of his personality.

"I killed him, I killed the only one who ever tried to love me, who cared for me" Gaara's voice had risen as he spoke, gaining an almost hysterical quality to it. Hunching his body, Gaara tried not fall to pieces as sobs racked his body.

"Brat, haven't you been listening? We protected you and we ah er…"

"What 'coon-chan means is that we love you chibi, hell, he even got rid of that liar uncle of yours for you"

Shuddering Gaara blocked the sounds of their voices, it didn't matter what they said. They were in his head.

"I'm all alone now"

"Chibi, you'll never be alone, we're here always" That once hyperactive bubbly voice sounded fierce and determined now. Gaara doubted that it could make a difference, he was to numb now to even feel fear at the voice's unexpected calm tone.

"I'll prove it to you, chibi" The sand swirled again; Gaara could feel it coming closer and closer to his face, which lay unprotected to its coarse touch.

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Gaara shook himself out of his reminiscence, fingering the 'love' kanji on his forehead. That had been the first time Sabaku had used his chakra, one of the few times he had done so without 'feeding the sand'. Gaara didn't need the reminder on his forehead to remind him, the constant voices were enough. With their incessant bickering and background chatter, it was almost impossible for him to go to sleep, not to mention that if he did, one of them would be able to control his body. He blushed remembering the first and only time Gaara had willingly seceded control to Sabaku. Temari and Kankuro couldn't look him in the eye for a month, let alone the continuous hugs he received from the baker whenever he saw him. And people wondered why Shukaku was let out when he slept; the damage was a hundred times less.

Rarely was Gaara glad of his 'tenants' presence, but in those first few years it had been a blessing to realise that he was not alone, that he was never alone. Even when he wished for peace, like now, Gaara supposed that he wouldn't willingly give up his 'voices' for anything, not to mention he wouldn't subject the world to that sort of torture. Sighing at the snickering in the background, Gaara picked up the first folder in his stack, sometimes they just wouldn't take a hint.

"If you don't shut up, I'll leave you to do all this paperwork, and keep a hold of my chakra too…"

* * *

_**AN:**__ I know. I know. I may have slightly twisted the events of Gaara's childhood to fit, but I __**had **__to. And I may have twisted Gaara's character just a little bit… It wouldn't have made sense otherwise and really they were only __**small**__ changes. * giggles nervously *_

_* Grins *, so what do you think? I know it's different, sorry I didn't tell you about it more at the beginning but that would have ruined it…_

_Should I continue, he hasn't even met Naruto yet *cackles maddly*?_

**Ja ne**


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